Match: 10 / 211
Won by 4 wkts
Team |
Total |
Wootton & Bladon CC |
195 - 7 |
T.
Smith 2 - 15 |
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
196 - 6 |
M.
Reeves 64, I. Howarth
43 |
The Far from the MCC signed off their Brasenose College
home matches for 2010 with a successful Club Record run chase. Having ineptly
allowed their erstwhile weighty
opponents to gorge themselves on some glutinous pie [which doubled as their
bowling], their batting dug them out of a Costcutter’s chocolate pudding and
earned them a bottle of Dom Perignon Vintage 2000. “A job
advert? Sod that, I’m enjoying doing fuck all these days.” After the curtain came down on a pulsating encounter, MAD
debutant and hero, G. J. Timms was quick to face the assembled media.
“Gentlemen, when my agent D. Emerson contacted me and suggested I ply my
services with a bunch of alcoholics masquerading as a cricket team, I was
initially sceptical; but then having met The Mad management down the local
pisser, I was left in little doubt. There was only one Sunday club I wanted to play for” he started. “Their
skipper [Moo] persuaded me I would bring much needed vim and vigour to their
arthritic fielding, and my nerveless batting could be a real boon at the
death. He also got me wankered too, that helped – but I have to say, I never
did envisage having such an amazing
debut. It was wonderful bringing the team home to victory. I can’t imagine a
more fantastic day.” D. Emerson
throws a ball at the back of Pooley Senior’s head. Earlier in the day, M. Westmoreland continued his rich
vein of form in successfully losing the loss. Without a moment for thought,
his Wootton counterpart decided on having fist crack on a hard if grass
topped track. It initially looked like an err in judgement, as D. Emerson
(7-2-24-1) and D. Shorten (7-1-16-1) extracted plenty of life in nipping out
Poole Jr for a duck, and Poole Snr for 6. There were even mutterings in the
field that maybe they should “give ‘em a few doughnuts, this lot look crap.”
Arrogance and poor judgement are sometimes comical virtues, especially when
combined, and the Far from the MCC combine them better than most.
Predictably, Wootton then found their appetite and their ample gut started to
increase in girth. M. Westmoreland (7-1-25-1) bowled some useful balls
before the final delivery of each over was twatted for four. J. Hoskins
(5-0-35-1) bowled some useful balls, but unfortunately saw quite a few more
of his deliveries twatted for four. Debutant G. Timms (4-0-30-1) erected a
fast food outlet utilising C. Roberts’ (2-1-15-1) expertise, and together
they ran out of hot dogs and burgers in the space of 6 overs. This despite a
courier sent to the nearby Co-op to acquire more meat and seeded buns. D. Shorten
retrieves some more MAD pie from the boundary. It was all becoming rather doughy, and Wootton skipper,
N. Hambridge (52), celebrated his fifty in style by lumping a ploughman’s
lunch over orthodox cow. Things were tidied up a little towards the end, as The
MAD turned to veteran pieman D. Edwards (4-0-28-0), and novice understudy T.
Smith (4-0-15-2). The pair bowled with a certain degree of control, and only
a few times did they leave the pies in the oven too long. Wootton eventually
totalled a rather bulky 195-7 off their 40 overs, and many in The Mad ranks
were already grumbling about “shit fucking bowling giving these village
hillbilly’s too many bloody runs”. Time for tea, and the Family Dobner did us proud, with
a distinguished spread that had our portly opposition licking their lips.
Injured superstar, Stevie D, naturally watched on as his missus did the
majority of everything, but he at least had the decency to galvanise himself
out of his deckchair to take the plaudits. With a team nickname of “The Fat
Boys” you would expect a robust effort come the mid-innings interval, and I
am delighted to report that Wootton gave an exemplary performance; save for a
few token crumbs and crisps which Joe Puppy snaffled. The Fat Boys
award their skipper a pink hat for his eating ability. It is a minor curiosity as to why Wootton & Bladon
are called “The Fat Boys” these days, especially amongst the newcomers to MAD
ranks. A quick glance at their personnel and only a few of their number are actually wide of waist and bulbous
of paunch. The name was handed to them some seven years ago during an
ill-tempered match in Bladon – and it’s stuck ever since; even though their
more rotund members have long since left. Mud sticks, huh? And likewise, fat
is hard to lose. On resumption, the majority of The MAD team pulled up a
deckchair, made themselves comfortable, and hid behind a newspaper or Sunday
magazine. They were preparing themselves for the usual snoozefest of an
opening partnership in lieu of such an imposing target – soon to be followed
by the inevitable collapse and desultory defeat [and cobbing thereafter].
Incredibly, today was to be very different. Maybe Kim had laced the rather
tasty fruit cake we’d all eaten? Or maybe she only laced the seven eighths of
the cake the Fat Boy’s ate? Either way – wonderful things were about to
happen…. D. Edwards
helps get The MAD innings off to a flyer. D. Edwards and I. Howarth ignited The MAD innings with
a joint opening salvo of 83 in 15 overs. Their partnership was notable for
the blitz of boundaries and urgency between the wicket [yes, urgency]. It was
a shame then that Howarth (43) decided on reverting to type and trying to
tonk Wootton quickie, O. Bevan, into nearby Banbury and holed out in the
covers. There was an unsettling quiet as Ian returned to the pavilion,
spectators and team mates acutely aware that a sympathetic comment may
trigger some bat-throwing histrionics. As it was, the guys waited until
Howarth had disappeared into the changing rooms for some bat-throwing
histrionics before shaking their heads and calling him a “dozy wanker”. Mr. Reeves had been enjoying a purple patch with his
new bat of late, and seeing the ball like the size of his head – which as
anyone will tell you, is of considerable proportions. Mike joined Dan at the
crease and in no time was smiting the ball to all corners. It’s not that the
bowling was bad; it’s just that ‘Ol Big Head really is in that zone at present. Anything wide –
wallop! Anything straight – wallop! Anything anywhere – wallop! Enjoy the trip Mike, these patches of purple
come along all too infrequently for us batsmen. Amazing – The
MAD innings showing some impetus early on. Edwards (40) was eventually caught off a high full toss
as tried to pull it onto the deck of his nearby barge, but he’d help push the
score along to 127. This total was then furtherly pushed along to 171 as a
salivating D. Shorten (15) joined the fray. At this point it looked like The
MAD would canter home, but that be without factoring in The Mad. T. Smith (1)
went from hero to zero, M. Reeves (64) was triggered by some dubious umpiring
from Howarth, and the skipper, M. Westmoreland (6) was stumped in hilarious
circumstances with the scores tied. It all left The Mad requiring an
implausible 1 run off 3.5 overs with only
4 wickets in hand. Step forth one Gareth Timms. Having been nudged up the
order due to M. Bullock’s mental disintegration in the face of such
unbearable pressure, Gareth grabbed the opportunity to cement himself as the
club’s chief finisher in
tight-match situations. He began by swiping his bat at thin air, knowing the
ball was missing his stumps, and then drove powerfully through the vacant
skip cordon to register his first run for the team. It was exhilarating
stuff, and Timms (1*) was chaired from the pitch by an average protecting J.
Hoskins (0*) – who was quick to tell anyone who was listening “that was the
greatest run chase that this team has ever seen!” “Wow, Mr.
Timms – you really are the real deal! Good shit, dude.” A fitting way to round off a most enjoyable home season
at Brasenose. A banquet of runs, a large portion of wickets, and a star is
born. We salute you Gareth “Michael Bevan” Timms. ‘Spam’
|
*
Far from the MCC versus Wootton &
Bladon CC Played at Brasenose, 1 August 2010 Wootton & Bladon CC won the toss
and elected to bat Far from the MCC won by 4 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: Gareth
John Timms (112) |
10 / 211 40 over match |
Team |
Wootton & Bladon CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
1 |
W. Dale |
c Shorten b Westmoreland |
37 |
(75) |
5 |
- |
4-87 |
2 |
T. Poole |
b Emerson |
0 |
(4) |
- |
- |
1-1 |
3 |
S. Poole |
b Shorten |
6 |
(18) |
- |
- |
2-18 |
4 |
A. Stone |
c Howarth b Hoskins |
14 |
(29) |
2 |
- |
3-53 |
5 |
N. Hambridge * |
c Westmoreland b Smith |
52 |
(44) |
8 |
- |
6-157 |
6 |
O. Bevan |
c Bullock b Roberts |
17 |
(16) |
3 |
- |
5-127 |
7 |
A. Hambridge |
not out |
20 |
(33) |
1 |
- |
- |
8 |
D. De Bono |
b Smith |
8 |
(7) |
1 |
- |
7-172 |
9 |
T. Floyd + |
not out |
16 |
(14) |
2 |
- |
- |
10 |
M. Grieve |
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB4, W13 LB2, B6) |
25 |
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 7 wickets, 40 overs) |
195 |
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
1 |
Shorten |
7 |
1 |
16 |
1 |
|
2 |
Emerson |
7 |
2 |
24 |
1 |
|
3 |
Westmoreland |
7 |
1 |
25 |
1 |
|
4 |
Hoskins |
5 |
0 |
35 |
1 |
|
5 |
Timms |
4 |
0 |
30 |
0 |
|
6 |
Roberts |
2 |
1 |
15 |
1 |
|
7 |
Edwards |
4 |
0 |
28 |
0 |
|
8 |
Smith |
4 |
0 |
15 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Far from
the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
1 |
D. M. Edwards |
c Floyd b Dale |
40 |
(81) |
5 |
- |
2-127 |
2 |
I. Howarth |
c Stone b Bevan |
43 |
(38) |
8 |
- |
1-83 |
3 |
M. K. Reeves |
lbw b Poole |
64 |
(62) |
8 |
1 |
5-193 |
4 |
D. Shorten |
lbw b Dale |
15 |
(19) |
3 |
- |
3-171 |
5 |
T. P. W. Smith |
b Dale |
1 |
(6) |
- |
- |
4-181 |
6 |
M. T. Westmoreland * |
st Floyd b Poole |
6 |
(5) |
1 |
- |
6-195 |
7 |
J. D. Hoskins |
not out |
0 |
(9) |
- |
- |
- |
8 |
G. J. Timms |
not out |
1 |
(4) |
- |
- |
- |
9 |
M. Bullock + |
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
C. D. Roberts |
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
D. Emerson |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB3, W7, LB4, B12) |
26 |
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 6 wickets, 36.5 overs) |
196 |
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
1 |
Bevan |
8 |
2 |
26 |
1 |
|
2 |
Grieve |
8 |
0 |
50 |
0 |
|
3 |
Stone |
8 |
1 |
40 |
0 |
|
4 |
Dale |
8 |
0 |
49 |
3 |
|
5 |
T. Poole |
2.5 |
1 |
6 |
2 |
|
6 |
A. Hambridge |
2 |
0 |
9 |
0 |
|
MOTM: M. K. Reeves Champagne Moment: M. K. Reeves’ six over
long on Buffet
Award: C. D. Roberts and G. J. Timms’
vanilla sponge cake) with custard |
Opposition:
V027 / 14 Ground: G040 / 13 Captain: C011 / 38 |