Far from the MCC fines 18.07.10 v Astons CC (h) won by 35 runs

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
James H	Dissed by opposition	“33 wickets? Haha – fuck off.”
	Duck avoidance
	Cob x 2		50p
	Low self-esteem	“I’m bowling crap.”
	Catch avoidance
	Driving hairdresser’s car	Porsche
	Disregard for environment	Not using his bicycle (prefers car)
	Denial	“Nobody disses me.”
	Sulking and whinging
	Mongoose multiplier		X2
			£5.00
Dan	Fielding with dog	Joe Puppy
	Allowing dog to foul the pitch	Joe was sick
	Arriving by barge
	Impersonating Abramovich	Chelsea multi-millionaire who lives on a boat
	Drop		50p
			£1.50
Matt	TVR avoidance
	Average protection
	Overly sporty	Organised another game of cricket despite the Mad’s 35 games this season
	Duck avoidance
	Self importance
	Non-qualification	Talking bollocks
	Drop		50p
			£2.00
Dave E	Urinating on sitescreen
	Heading the ball
	Average protection
	Asking stupid question	“Where am I batting?” – when he normally always bats at number eleven
	Trying to injure Matt	Hurling ball in at stumps
	Ignoring Matt	“Take it easy, Dave.”
	Wearing camouflage	His head very red with alcohol
	Drop		50p
			£2.25
James P	Turning up in kit
	Failing to score more than his number on his shirt	3.14 or pie
	Opening partnership <25
	Cob avoidance	Happy with his duck
	Failing to listen to Ian	“Get on your front foot” – bowled on his backfoot
	Public school reaction	To dismissal – “gosh”
	Denial	That he said “gosh”
	Duck		50p
			£2.25
Mike R	Democracy avoidance
	Bowling leg side	“I won’t bowl down the leg side.”
	Hogging the strike	When batting with Dan
	Century avoidance
	Outright 4^th wicket partnership record avoidance
	Trying to embezzle club x 2	Quiet at Fines Committee, and then silent when Goose Multiplier was questioned	50p
	Bicycle avoidance
	Batting without hat	After taking hat out to bat
	Bat avoidance	Leaving his bat at Magdalen College the previous game
	Hat avoidance	Choosing not to bat with hat
			£2.75
Moo	Arrogance	“I didn’t lose toss” – when he did
	Impersonating Hulk Hogan	Clothes lining Dave Emerson during catch celebration
	Benefit scrounger	On the dole
	Boastful	Regarding holidays
	Smug
	Showing off	His mathematical equations relating to Mad batting
	Talking during fines
	Having no interest	In fines or team ethics
	Excessive surprise at catch	Low self-esteem
	Poor effort on boundary	Ball dropped over his head
	Moving Ian off boundary	Where ball then dropped
	Self importance x 2		50p
	Whinging and moaning x 2		50p
	Losing the toss		50p
			£4.25
Chris R	Girlfriend avoidance
	Hogging stratosphere	He’s that tall
	Not fucking things up	Not much to fine him about
	Casting too long a shadow	Late in match
			£1.00
Dave S	Opening bowler no wicket
	Comedy fielding
	Impersonating Compo	Looked like a gypsy
	Arriving late
	Pub avoidance
	Trigger finger	Giving Ian lbw inciting a cob
	Straw hat avoidance
	Large cob	Regarding his umpiring	50p
	Drop		50p
	Audible sigh	At Fines Committee
	Blasphemy	“You’re all fucking twats.”
	Being aggressive	Towards Jake
	Mongoose multiplier		X2
			£7.00
Ian H	Catch avoidance
	Comedy fielding	Falling on arse failing to get to ball
	Large cob	After dismissal in changing rooms	50p
	Overplaying part	“Opening partnership was key to this win.”
	Instigating a collapse	After dismissal
	Being shortened	Dave Shorten gave him out
	Silent cob	On dismissal
	Passive aggression	Towards Dave Shorten after lbw
	Impersonating a windmill	To get skipper’s attention for a bowl
	Shovelling sick	Joe Puppy’s vomit
			£2.75
Steve D	Cob
	Lazy fielding	(Again)
	Hypochondriac	Moaning about his injuries (again)
	Insolvency
			£1.00
		TOTAL	£31.75

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Looking Uber-Smug (overly arrogant and condescending)	£0.50
Extreme Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£0.50
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2