Far from the MCC fines 06.06.10 v Appleton CC (h) lost by 142 runs

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Thorn	Cob
	Confusion
	Smoking On Pitch		50p
	Eating on Pitch
	Impersonating 1920’s Touring Party	With his straw hat
	Creating More interesting Game Than Cricket	Frisbeer
	Being English
	Scotch Egg Avoidance
	Self-Importance
			£2.50
James P.	Dropped Catch * 2		£1.00
	Self-Entrapment * 3		75p
	Moaning * 2	About generally everything	50p
	Turning Up In Kit
	Hogging The Bats
	Self-Importance
	Average Creation	Being finally dismissed
			£3.25
Dave S.	Cob
	Pub Avoidance
	Putting Family First
	Not Using Contraception
	Dropped Catch		50p
	Self-Entrapment
	Ill Fitting Clothes	Looking like a tit
	Ultimate Humiliation		50p
	Mongoose Multiplier * 2	Dismissed using the Mongoose
			£5.00
Gonzo	Being Overly Ironic
	Comedy Fielding * 2		50p
	Dropped Catch		50p
	Shoe Avoidance
	Duck		50p
	Wearing Ill Fitting Clothes	Gypsy
	Flashing	Changing in front of spectators
	Laundry Avoidance	Smelling and wearing crumpled attire
	Fouling Hairdressers Car	Getting James’ Porsche dirty
	Mildew Cultivation
	Suicidal Running	Running Jake out
	Turning Girlfriend Into Alcoholic	Poor Sandra
	Mongoose Avoidance
	Dissing Avoidance
			£4.25
Paddy	Smoking On Pitch		50p
	Cutlery Avoidance	Eating his roast lunch using his hands
	Impersonating Ronaldo
	Mash Potato Avoidance	Not eating his mash with his hands
	Egg Sandwich Avoidance
	Previous Experience
	Being High
	Being A Solicitor	Flash cunt
	Hysterical Cob	At fines committee
	Pissing Himself During Fines
	Self-Entrapment
	Cob
			£3.25
Dave E.	Lager Avoidance	Turning up sober
	Impersonating Casper	Being shit in the field
	Smoking On Field
	Kicking To Point
	Hat-trick Avoidance
	Setting Tone For The Day	Poor fielding
	Impersonating Steve Harmison	Bowling wide of off stump
	Cob
	Self-Harm
			£2.25
Jake	Agreeing To Suicidal Running
	Being Gonzo’s Bitch	Doing his laundry
	Tumble Dryer Avoidance	Leaving Gonzo’s clothes in wet state
	Dropped Catch		50p
	Missed Stumping		50p
	Stumping In Front Of Wicket
	Impersonating Hannibal Lector	With wicketkeeper’s mask
	Cob
	Self-Harm
	Confession
	Duck Avoidance
	Hair Dresser Avoidance	Looking like Neil from the Young Ones
	Insulting Fines Committee Chairman		50p
			£4.00
Dan	Trying To Confuse Fines Chairman
	Over Indulgence
	Harbouring Guilt
	Dropped Catch * 2		£1.00
	Not Following Own Advice
	Puppy Avoidance	Joe Puppy absent once more
	Lackadaisical Fielding	Hands in pockets looking disinterested
	Confession
			£2.75
Mike R.	Running Avoidance
	Hypochondriac	Shoulder, calf etc etc
	Refusing To Play Cricket	After getting injured
	Upsetting Captain
	Bad Runner Choice	Using Jake (who had just ran himself out)
	Dubious Injury	Calf
	Dropped Catch		50p
	Self-Entrapment
	Comedy Fielding
	Average Protection
			£2.75
Ian H.	Dropped Catch * 2		£1.00
	Hypochondriac	Achilles
	Cob * 2		50p
	Sleeping In Changing Room	After getting twatted the night before
	Glove Abuse
	Opening Partnership Less Than 25		50p
	Getting In The Way In Kitchen	Being pissed
	Surveillance
			£3.25
Moo	Fine Avoidance
	Losing Toss		50p
	Rushing Fines Committee	To get home to his family
	Abuse Of Power
	Cob
	Self-Importance
	Confused In Field	No idea what he was doing
	Harbouring Cob	Dark thoughts
	Dissing Team	“You’re a waste of fucking time!”
	Impersonating Ian H.	Harsh northern captaincy
	Lack Of Trust	In everyone and himself
	Lack Of Self-Conviction
	Self-Entrapment
			£3.50
		TOTAL	£36.75

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Looking Uber-Smug (overly arrogant and condescending)	£0.50
Extreme Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£0.50
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2