“Back to the Present”
Match: 15 / 348
Lost by 24 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
Wootton & Boars Hill CC |
150 - 9 |
|
M.
Reeves 3 - 19, G. Timms 2 - 9 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
126 - 8 |
|
L.
Ainsworth 38, M. Westmoreland 24 |
|
|
Artificial life can never really comprehend what would
compel ‘mankind’ to travel halfway around the globe to hit a leather ball
about a copse of land. Robots just can't fathom why humans would want to hang
out with old ‘teammates’ – regaling things which have come to pass, and
moaning about the inevitable (the future). Why do ‘menfolk’ become predictable, sentimental old fuckers as they
get older, desperately clinging on to their past? What are these ‘glory days’
they all refer to…?
…food for thought:
Mr A. G. Mann in 2012. One remembers Mr A. G. Mann making the insubstantial
20,000 mile round trip from Sydney in 2012, only to be undone by a northern
Jetstream that opted instead to be more of a southern Jetstream, dumping as
it did its load all over Oxfordshire. It carried on dumping it too, with Ant
managing just the one game. It followed the then skipper, Mr. Westmoreland,
sending out cancellation after cancellation through the post. The game in
question was a forgettable T20 loss to Appleton CC, where Mr. Mann notched a
forgettable 1 not out, took no wickets in four forgettable overs, and a catch
that nobody remembers; but somehow he scooped the Champagne award – though
probably because everyone felt so sorry for him. Poor Antony. So fed up was
he, he never once unclipped his ink pen from his breast pocket and wrote the
bloody match report.... Fast forward to 2015, with Mr I. C. Leggate making an
even less insubstantial 15,000 mile round trip from Canada. So how would his
fortunes pan out in Mad whites? Would his pilgrimage be worth it? Well, he
did bring some rain, but he also managed one more game than Ant did, so tune
in and we will find out....
New and old,
Shorten (left) and Westmoreland. A new T20 season ushered in a new T20 Skipper – a man
whose only previous experience of
skippering came back in 2008, where a gracious [and exceedingly sympathetic]
Mumbles CC agreed to play a curtailed game of cricket in some mud and rain.
To this day nobody really knows the result of that match – it just finished.
In the rain. Pretty much like it started. With everyone running off the field
to avoid the latest downpour with their resolve finally washed down the
gutter. Game abandoned? Game lost by Duckworth-Lewis methodology? Fuck
knows... why not ask Mr. D. Shorten? He was the skipper that day after all,
as he is now. Continuing on where he left off some 7 years ago,
Dave's first decision on successfully losing the toss was to inform his team
they were fielding. His second decision was to give his opening bowlers the
option of playing baseball instead of cricket. Mr. Hoskins (2-0-30-0) duly
obliged by throwing most of his pitches waist-high down leg, ditto C. Roberts
(4-0-29-1) and ditto I. Howarth (4-0-35-1). Such was the battery of turd
being thrown; Wootton had sailed well past the 50 mark [without loss] in the
first 5 overs. This unstoppable run machine was only fuelled by the late
arrival of Reeves and Hotson – only making it onto the pitch after the
blizzard of pink cricket balls had stopped tumbling out the sky.
…another MAD
delivery sails out the park. The homeruns would finally peter out with Mr. Smith
pouching O. Morton for 24, and the uber-aggressive M. Taylor retiring... er,
tired on 53*. Howarth then made partial amends by bowling D. Wiskin for a
golden with “the ball of the century”, as things finally (whisper it quietly)
started to tighten up. Please note: it always helps with eleven men in the
field. With the Boars Hill batsman swinging freely from the
hip, and their batting order becoming increasingly smaller and less talented
with each dismissal, bowlers Reeves (4-0-19-3), Timms (2-0-9-2) and Shorten
(4-0-21-2) all reaped the benefits. Though we must make mention, that bowling
an adroit line and length [read cricket, not baseball] certainly helps the
cause. 150-9 and with M. Taylor unduly arsed about returning to the crease
[after 19.4 overs], that was that. Time for a team photo featuring the return of The MAD's
prodigal son, Mr. I. C. Leggate. And thanks to team photographer, Mr. R. P.
Turner, for organising the shot in blinding sunshine with his burgeoning
shadow cast across them.... For fuck’s sake.
Mr. I. C.
Leggate – back row, 4th from left (beard) In reply, The MAD whacked and walloped their way past
Sunday's desultory failure of 51 all out, by realising an opening stand of 65
off a little over 7 overs. Mr. Ainsworth (38 off 23) reminded everyone how
sublimely stylish he is [for a left-hander], whilst partner M. T. Westmoreland
(24 off 25) refused to buckle under his Boars Hill demons with some booming
trademark drives. Let’s pause for breath here, and celebrate being 55-0
off 6 overs. Wind the clock back to this same fixture last year and The MAD
had limped to 9-3 off 6 overs. What a difference a year makes, and how
uplifting to see two Mad batsmen playing with such freedom and expressing
themselves like James Hoskins' favourite columnist in the Telegraph – Kevin
Pietersen.
M.
Westmoreland (facing) at the ‘Power Station End’ To be honest though, that is as good as it got, as 65-0
soon made way for 75-5, following ducks for T. P. W. Smith, J. Hotson and the
aforementioned I. C. Leggate. Further non-contributions came from C. D.
Roberts’ (3) miscalculations, and D. Shorten's (5) inability to sweep a
rolling off his middle stump. Unlucky, Skip. The MAD still clung to a slim hope of victory, but when
Howarth (22 off 19) decided to hole out on the deep square boundary to the
only fielder within 50 yards of the ball, slim left the building. Time enough
for M. K. Reeves (19* off 18) and J. D. Hoskins (8* off 10) to do what they
always seem to do best these days – protect their averages at all costs. But
at least James bothered to turn up on time. Wootton win by 26 runs.
Averages
protected, time for Reeves and Hoskins to depart…. So, in summary, Mr. Leggate’s brief sojourn in
Oxfordshire realised two innings, two ducks, two MAD defeats and two fingers
at anyone who accuses him of abandoning his team mates for pastures new.
Artificial life would never understand, but we do, Ian. See you on Tour in 2016, mate. We look forward once
again to your inimitable company. ‘The History Teacher’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Wootton
& Boars Hill CC Played at Wootton
& Boars Hill CC, 13 May 2015 Wootton & Boars Hill CC
won the toss and elected to bat Wootton & Boars Hill CC won by 24 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none |
15 / 348 20 over match |
|
Team |
Wootton & Boars Hill CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
O. Morton |
c Smith b Roberts |
24 |
(22) |
|
|
1-64 |
|
2 |
M. Taylor |
retired |
53 |
(28) |
|
|
- |
|
3 |
D. Wiskin * |
b Howarth |
0 |
(1) |
|
|
2-65 |
|
4 |
E. Whittaker † |
lbw b Timms |
27 |
(26) |
|
|
|
|
5 |
Nigel Collins |
b Timms |
12 |
(11) |
|
|
3-121 |
|
6 |
N. Ali |
c Ainsworth b Reeves |
6 |
(9) |
|
|
|
|
7 |
J. Rogers |
b Reeves |
8 |
(14) |
|
|
|
|
8 |
S. Morton |
not out |
1 |
(1) |
|
|
- |
|
9 |
M. Hawthorn |
b Reeves |
2 |
(3) |
|
|
|
|
10 |
N. Collins |
b Shorten |
0 |
(1) |
|
|
8-150 |
|
11 |
L. Watts |
b Shorten |
0 |
(2) |
|
|
9-150 |
|
|
Extras |
W10, LB2, B5 |
17 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 9 wickets, 19.4 overs) |
150 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Hoskins |
2 |
0 |
30 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
Shorten |
3.4 |
0 |
21 |
2 |
|
|
3 |
Howarth |
4 |
0 |
35 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Roberts |
4 |
0 |
29 |
1 |
|
|
5 |
Reeves |
4 |
0 |
19 |
3 |
|
|
6 |
Timms |
2 |
0 |
9 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
M. T. Westmoreland † |
b Watts |
24 |
(25) |
3 |
- |
4-73 |
|
2 |
L. G. Ainsworth |
b Hawthorn |
38 |
(23) |
7 |
1 |
1-65 |
|
3 |
T. P. W. Smith |
b Hawthorn |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
2-65 |
|
4 |
J. C. W. Hotson |
b Watts |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
3-68 |
|
5 |
I. Howarth |
c O. Morton b Ali |
22 |
(19) |
3 |
- |
8-99 |
|
6 |
I. C. Leggate |
b Watts |
0 |
(9) |
- |
- |
5-75 |
|
7 |
C. D. Roberts |
b Ali |
3 |
(7) |
- |
- |
6-86 |
|
8 |
D. Shorten * |
b Watts |
5 |
(6) |
1 |
- |
7-93 |
|
9 |
M. K. Reeves |
not out |
19 |
(18) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
10 |
J. D. Hoskins |
not out |
8 |
(10) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
11 |
G. J. Timms |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
NB1, LB4, B2 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 8 wickets, 20 overs) |
126 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
N. Collins |
3 |
0 |
21 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
S. Morton |
3 |
0 |
29 |
0 |
|
|
3 |
Hawthorn |
4 |
0 |
17 |
2 |
|
|
4 |
Watts |
4 |
0 |
12 |
4 |
|
|
5 |
Ali |
3 |
0 |
20 |
2 |
|
|
6 |
Nigel Collins |
1 |
0 |
5 |
0 |
|
|
7 |
Rogers |
1 |
0 |
9 |
0 |
|
|
8 |
O. Morton |
1 |
0 |
7 |
0 |
|
|
MOTM: L. G. Ainsworth Champagne Moment: I. Howarth’s “ball of
the century” – D. Wiskin bowled Buffet
Award: J. D. Hoskins’ appetising
caramel buns (with chocco chips) |
Opposition:
V039 / 15 Ground: G017 / 11 Captain: C016 / 02 |