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Far from the MCC fines 09.08.12 v Happisburgh CC (a) lost by 4 wkts



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(Record Breaking) Recorded Fines


25p unless otherwise stated.








Dave E

Failure to convert





Shoulder injury... Bollocks!



Bullying Small Child




Giggling at Spam

See Spam's fines



Opening Bowler, not bowling








Blatant Lying








Not taking Norfolk Seriously




Losing Duck




Abandoning Duck

In Oxford and in Norfolk



Unimpressed with Norfolk

“It looks like a shithole”



Comedy Dismissal




Blagging Double Bed

In front of his driver and an “ill” Jake



Fines Avoidance








Lots of Unnecessary Running



Running to non-strikers end while Paddy stood their admiring a shot that didn't reach the boundary and having to go back



Continuing a collapse




Getting out to shit




Using up team luck *10




Wearing a hoodie in baking heat




Weather confusion


"It's boiling out here, I better wrap up warm!"




Trying to start bushfire

Irresponsible Cigarette disposal



Can't add up




Missing New Zealand




Lack of Effort to save game








Wicket keeping avoidance




Failure to convert









To himself



Failure to come out of slips

Blatant lazy tendencies




He did come out of the slips



Stalking the Wicketkeeper




Excessive Defensiveness




Belt Abuse




Not knowing what's going on




Looking forward to crucifying skipper

See M. Reeves below



Believing club has limitless funds




Impersonating Dobner

Paddle sweep



Running a clear dot ball

It reached the boundary



Dissing fellow leggie




Making 2's into 1's

Appalling running between wickets



Exposing Dobner

To Pie



Playing for drinks

Blocking out 20th over



Copyright infringement




Continuing a collapse

The 2nd one



Not converting




Getting out on Nelson







Mike R

Bowling Moo

He was shit



Bowling Spam

He was shit



Smug * 2




Baggy Hat Smugness




Choking during fines




Delighting in Team Misery

Over the sizes of these fines (soon to change)



Delighting in Dan's misery

Batting at number 9



Praying * 2




Making Matt field in the slips




Harbouring * 2




Drumming fingers

Whilst getting “edgy”



Leading Shorten off a cliff

Whilst looking at a lighthouse



Premature Gavelling




Wasting fielders




Not utilising team assets









At fines getting quite high



Failure to break Dobner

In the field



Ants in his pants




Annoying Dan * 8

Making him bat number 9







Dissing team * 10




Running like a fat cunt * 2




Being a fat cunt




Playing for drinks

Blocking out 20th over



Poor square leg umpire




Failure to achieve




Trying to get out




Using up team luck *10




Impersonating Paddy

Fat cunt



Hitting out at child

Young Patsworth the bowler



Getting out on Nelson




Exposing Moo to Pie




Dissing Self




Instigating collapse

The 2nd one



Failing to set record


Putting himself at no. 6 As easiest Tour record to break (26*)



Lack of Communication * 10




Fines avoidance * 2

Looking at lighthouse instead



Bowling Moo from the wrong end




Food avoidance

Looking at lighthouse instead








Instigating a collapse


Commenting on how well Paddy was batting (immediately out next ball)



Ice Cream Van Ringtone * 2


Since discovered this was actually an ice cream van (not his phone)



Dissing the Tail

“They’re shite”



Sight screen frame moving

Moving the frame for Batsmen (very silly)



Sight Screen Abuse

Asking batsman if he'd like it moved!!!



Creepy behaviour




Cob * 2




Nervous Tension

When waiting to bat



Pre-empting Fines




Dissing Oppo * 11




Impersonating Dobner

Paddle sweep



Denial * 2




Lack of Effort




Impersonating Worzel




Impersonating Adie Small




Impersonating Mr Man




Stealing Jake's Bed




Dissing Jake's Clothes

“They smell like he got them from a sewer”







Impersonating Richie Benaud


Commentating on shower temperature "Cold water, Hot water, cold water, ah, ahahahaha!!"



Hysterical Cob * 2









Across the clubhouse in his Y-fronts



Flashing Pensioners

The little old lady who lived in a clubhouse



Bowling w/ sho

No idea what my notes say!!!



Dissing Mike * 3





Bowling a ball that bounced 4 times







Taking Advice from Dog

In the field




Angry cob



General Bestiality






Playing with dog in the field of play (throwing water bottle only to be returned)



Talking through fines







Stevie D

Fantasy Fixing




Bowler abuse

Attempting to kill oppo bowler



One shot pony

Paddle sweep



Using up team luck * 10




Causing Chairman respiratory distress




Dissing Pie








Exposing captain to pie

Reeves hates facing pie







Excessive Laziness

In field



Playing wrong line




Dissing self




Dissing Norfolk




Dissing Lego




Bullying small child

As he walked past in Man Utd kit



Comedy Fielding * 2




Mistaking tree for the ball









Paddle sweep















Impersonating Brabant

Paddle sweep



Turning back on the game




Plant Pot abuse

At The Hill House Inn



Bringing Crap weather


A cloud appeared suddenly overhead as Steve parked at The Hill House Inn.



Abusing the "MAD" files

Throwing Matt’s labour of love on the floor



Creating Crop circles




Not seeing out Tour

“I can’t afford it” etc







Driving in Wife's office




Protecting Gary Littlechild from Spam









Admiring Dot balls


That get hit to the open boundary and stop short of the rope



Lack of running

see above



Instigating a collapse

1st one



Tarring others with own brush * 3


Accusing people of being lazy runners from the boundary





About sleep machine thingy……… Shhh




About somink'



Inducing fines

What a C**T!!



Yawning at Dan's batting * 2




Dissing self




Being a cunt!!








"Fucked if I know"

In response to most questions



Noting down fines instead of fielding

How do you think we got so many!!



Delay of game

As noting fines



Knowing the "Time Warp"

The song



Not actually being the "Time Warp" that was playing




Comedy Keeping




Annoying Mike




Destroying Spam's lack of confidence

With overtly shit keeping



Sledging Spam

Surely a refund!!







Dissing Norfolk




Impersonating a naked Amish farmer




Impersonating Torville and Dean

A quite tremendous pirouette was performed



Impersonating Jesus

With his haircut (or lack of)



Running like Jesus




Abusing Oppo * 10




Taking pleasure in abusing oppo




Living in a parallel dimension




Phoning team at 3am

Pissed out of his mind and talking bollocks



Dissing Hotel

See above







Yawning at Dan's batting




Attempting to burn down Norfolk

Smoking in the dry wheat field



Smoking in the dry corn field




Trying to injure Fines Chairman * 2




Arguing * 6








Showing off Botanical Knowledge




Flag confusion




Showering * 2




Whores Bath


Showering turned out to be top and tails in the sink



Impersonating Timotei advert

Such Lustrous hair!







Whinging about the weather




Dissing Bob




Dissing Oppo * 11 * 2




Dissing Team * 10 * 4




Abandoning scoring

To take photos of fields



Impersonating Dobner

Paddle sweep



Pen Confusion

Blue pen / black pen it's really not that hard!



Instigating a collapse

1st one - counting Paddy's score - next ball out!







Dissing JMO * 2

“He’s a useless prick batting at number eleven!”



Record Grabbing git

All tour records



Self-Entrapment * 2




Inducing Fines








Acting like God




Racial Abuse of Norfolk folk

“They’re a backward bunch of clowns”







Comedy Fielding * 2




Talking to bowlers


Immediately they start bowling the same shit spam bowled



Getting sledged by drinks carrier


“I’d have something stronger, mate – your day’s fucking shot already!”



Opening Bowler, no wicket




Fines Avoidance

Looking at lighthouse instead



Food avoidance

Looking at lighthouse instead



Arguing with the Fines Chairman

As per usual




Dark thoughts about Paddy



Ruining everyone’s Fantasy teams

By playing shit



Leaving Dan stranded

By batting shit at number eleven



Failure to get record

Batting at number eleven (19*)



Failure to bat out overs

See above



Boasting about strike rate

100!! But it was 3 off 3!!!!!!!!



Bowling Body line with off side field and short leg side boundary




Wheat Magnetism

The ball had it whenever spam bowled it!!!




“I bowled okay”




Laughing at Stevie D’s fielding on the boundary



Not paying attention during fines








Cob Denial




Excessive happiness




Impersonating Abramovich

Running up his fines, because he's so rich!!!










Dave S

Cob * 4




Can't add up




Dissing family

All farm labourers



Batting out of character

Nervous nurdle crap



Dissing self

His batting



Needing a psychologist

Regarding his appalling batting form



Arguing with the Fines Chairman




Fines Avoidance

Looking at lighthouse instead



Food avoidance

Looking at lighthouse instead



Little Van envy




Penis Extension for van




Puppy avoidance




Praying * 4

Kept bringing his hands together in praying shape



Using a Ouija board * 2








Church avoidance




Passive aggression

Aimed at Fines Chairman



Not knowing relatives