“Platinum Days”
Match: 16
/ 394
Lost
by 6 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
131 - 8 |
|
M. Reeves 32, I. Howarth
23* |
|
|
|
|
|
Appleton CC |
132 - 4 |
|
M. Reeves 2 - 7, L. Ainsworth 1 - 6 |
|
|
Half a dozen MAD players
who suffered bruising to their arses and egos at the weekend, were swelled by
five others who couldn’t contain their laughter whilst looking at an open
scorebook detailing the slaughter*. “I quite enjoyed it actually,” quipped Mr
Hoskins, with that familiar upbeat take on things. “I got to bat longer than
I’ve batted in years.” Tall Bob was less in agreement, drawing attention to his
distorted bowling figures and the fact that JMO had left him stranded whilst
he chased down The MAD high score for a batsman at number 11…. Skipper Shorten had
skillfully arranged to be elsewhere on the aforementioned Sunday, and as a complete
contrast to some of the furrowed brows and pessimism around him, he wore an
affable broad smile and a revealing pair of cut-off shorts which wouldn’t
have looked out of place in a 60s musical. In fact, so blithe and carefree
was our Dave, after securing the toss, he had as much a clue to his batting
order as his dog Midge….
Happy, smug, carefree – and no, Skipper Shorten
avoided the bum raping in Cholsey the previous Sunday. Absorbing some equally
clueless advice from some of his senior aides sat around him, he sent G. J.
Timms out to the middle to watch at the non-striker’s end as Hoskins (0),
Smith (4) and Roberts (0) all perished without him facing a ball. Guilty at
gobbling up more than five deliveries himself, Gary (5) would soon join his
mates in the hutch after a quite hideous sweep across the line – one he
referred to later as “fucking inept”. Continuing, “I never score anything playing that shot, so why do I play it?” We
don’t know Gary, we really don’t…. Having been smacked
around the ground for the exorbitant cost of 1.33 runs per wicket, Mr Uren
(2-1-4-3) was withdrawn from the Apples attack to make way for the superlative
confectionary of C. Jones (3-0-33-0). Mike loves pie, and Mike cashed in to
the tune of 34 off 26 balls, only getting himself out after forgetting he
could retire. Paddy also likes pie, and Paddy gorged off 17 such pastries in
making 12. This period of flan smacking cheered up a miserable looking
scoreboard that once read 17-4, with further contributions of twatting from
Mr D Shorten (22 off 16) and a non-run-a-ball 5 off 8 balls from schizophrenic
pensioner G. Carter.
M. Reeves (batting) painting surrounding trees
with pie. The MAD total eventually
plateaued out on 131-8, as Messrs Ainsworth (17* off 11) and Howarth (23* off
16) topped up their averages without taking any undue risks. There were no pyrotechnics
or fireworks here, simply top order batsmen concentrating on playing for themselves,
accruing some runs, whilst resisting cries from the boundary to “get the fuck
on with things!!!” In reply, the mercurial
Mr G. Alder emulated the cosmic batting prowess of J. D. Hoskins by getting
out to the very first ball of the innings. Imagine that – two Platinum ducks in one match? You
can’t actually better that achievement in being any worse. A bona fide collector’s
item if ever there were. It is also worth noting the method of Alder’s
dismissal – a back peddling T. Smith juggling a can of Stella, some rolling
tobacco and a red lacquered ball. Excellent effort. In fact, you only had to
wait until the sixth over bowled by Mr Reeves (3-1-7-2) to marvel at the third first baller of the evening –
this time the power punching M. Godwin befuddled by an inswinger to set up
Mike’s resultant go at a hat-trick. Alas, a fairy-tale it was not to be, R.
Uren blocking out, and then going on to emulate stablemate Mr E. Gilkes (30*)
as a very creditable retiree on 31 not out.
It would seem for all
The MAD toil on a lovely summer’s evening that Appleton were always one over
ahead throughout this match, though most likely due to the fact that an
under-par total was being chased down by an over-par batting line-up. Any
lingering hopes from a home team perspective were extinguished by a weighty cameo
from M. Bungay (15 from 11) and an enterprising 30* off 17 balls from ‘Bennett
the E’, thus consigning The MAD to a third consecutive loss. Oh, dear. We’re
used to winning these days, you know? So losing is considered a right pain in
the arse and pretty bad form. As a positive spin,
there are only another 2 days to wait for an opportunity the Far from the MCC
to put things right, as they play hosts to the unknown quantity which a
touring Hendricks XI outfit. These guys drink gin, they celebrate gin, they
are named after a (Hendricks) gin – so surely, they’re just a bunch of
pissheads then, eh? Hmm…. * - Reference to match #393. ‘Mr A. Prot’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Appleton
CC Played at Brasenose College, 20 July
2016 Far from the MCC won the
toss and elected to bat Far from the MCC lost by 6 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: none |
16 / 394 20 over match |
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
J. D. Hoskins |
b Uren |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
1-0 |
|
2 |
G. J. Timms |
b J. Bennett |
5 |
(15) |
- |
- |
4-17 |
|
3 |
T. P. W. Smith |
c Bhella b Uren |
4 |
(5) |
1 |
- |
2-4 |
|
4 |
C. D. Roberts |
b Uren |
0 |
(5) |
- |
- |
3-4 |
|
5 |
M. K. Reeves |
c Godwin b E. Bennett |
34 |
(26) |
5 |
- |
7-87 |
|
6 |
P. A. S. Mellor |
b Pearson |
12 |
(17) |
2 |
- |
5-43 |
|
7 |
G. Carter |
b E. Bennett |
5 |
(8) |
1 |
- |
6-52 |
|
8 |
D. Shorten * |
b Bungay |
22 |
(16) |
1 |
2 |
8-89 |
|
9 |
L. G. Ainsworth |
not out |
17 |
(11) |
2 |
- |
- |
|
10 |
I. Howarth |
not out |
23 |
(16) |
3 |
- |
- |
|
11 |
M. Bullock † |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
W3, B6 |
9 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 8 wickets, 20 overs) |
131 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Uren |
2 |
1 |
4 |
3 |
|
|
2 |
J. Bennett |
3 |
1 |
6 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Pearson |
3 |
0 |
16 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Jones |
3 |
0 |
33 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
E. Bennett |
3 |
1 |
10 |
2 |
|
|
6 |
Bungay |
3 |
0 |
29 |
1 |
|
|
7 |
Bhella |
2 |
0 |
19 |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
G. Alder |
c Smith b Ainsworth |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
1-0 |
|
2 |
E. Gilkes |
retired |
30 |
(33) |
4 |
- |
- |
|
3 |
M. Bhella |
b Reeves |
6 |
(13) |
- |
- |
2-21 |
|
4 |
M. Godwin † |
b Reeves |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
3-21 |
|
5 |
R. Uren |
retired |
31 |
(39) |
2 |
- |
- |
|
6 |
M. Bungay |
b Smith |
15 |
(11) |
2 |
- |
4-80 |
|
7 |
E. Bennett |
not out |
30 |
(17) |
4 |
- |
- |
|
8 |
C. Jones |
not out |
0 |
() |
- |
- |
- |
|
9 |
J. Bennett |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
G. Pearson |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
T. Crowe * |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
NB1, W10, LB2, B7 |
20 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 4 wickets, 19.1 overs) |
132 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Ainsworth |
3 |
1 |
6 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
Shorten |
2 |
0 |
12 |
0 |
|
|
3 |
Reeves |
3 |
1 |
7 |
2 |
|
|
4 |
Timms |
3 |
0 |
27 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Smith |
3 |
0 |
25 |
1 |
|
|
6 |
Roberts |
2 |
0 |
20 |
0 |
|
|
7 |
Howarth |
2 |
0 |
14 |
0 |
|
|
8 |
Hoskins |
1.1 |
0 |
12 |
0 |
|
|
MOTM: M. K. Reeves Champagne Moment: G. J. Timms’ amazing
boundary stop and throw back Buffet
Award: J. D. Hoskins’ low-grade
homemade naan bread and pickles |
Opposition:
V051 / 19 Ground: G040 / 51 Captain: C016 / 19 |