“Geoff and ‘You’’”

Match: 24 / 498

Lost by 64 runs

Team	Total
Stogumber CC	178 - 5
J. Pearson 2 - 15, M. Rundle 2 - 31
FFTMCC	114
I. Howarth 24, M. Rundle 18

This is nice. We’re back on tour down south you see. Basing ourselves in Minehead again as we explore a little of Somerset and even a modicum of Devon. It is nice to get away – especially with all the nonsense in the world these days – but it does mean spending four days with Geoff and that other idiot. Ian his name is, and he’s all ‘me and Geoff this and me and Geoff that’; it’s Geoff and I, you illiterate imbecile. Nothing wrong with the other twelve on tour but these two…. Well, in fairness to Geoff, he’s just old. Stuck in his ways. No chance of a millennial like myself seeing eye to eye with this old fuddy-duddy. He still expects beer to come in pints. Hilarious. Has he never had a 20 cl Altbier in Dusseldorf, a schooner in a Manhattan speakeasy, or a crisp 40 cl with generous head in a Monaco hotel? Of course, he hasn’t – he’s never left these shores I’ll wager!

Geoff (right) enjoying some base humour with similarly minded fools.

Ian is something else though. He’s yet to arrive, but the sun is out so no doubt he’ll have his Union Jack vest off as soon he arrives. He’s one of those sorts. He’ll be on the cheapest cider available to try and fit in with the Somerset cliché as soon as he arrives. I'll point this out and he’ll have a dig at me for being “bilingual” no doubt. The rest will laugh at that joke, that's just the way it works. He’ll refuse to eat all day saying something ludicrous about liquid sustenance. As it happens, I won’t be eating for a while today it seems. Everyone’s tucking into a panini thinking they're all continental (panino would be the singular, gentleman) but I can’t join in; I don’t think those accompanying chips are triple cooked!? Nope, not for me thanks.

We’re on the steam train over to Stogumber for a T20 match this evening. I’ll be honest, I'm not overly sure what a steam train is but some of the others seem all nostalgic about it, so I’ll let them have their fun. We have some seats reserved, what an odd notion. I much prefer standing up and looking at my reserved seat from afar over all the heads on the 18:05 out of London Paddington. They could probably use some EU funding down in these parts to help modernise things a bit. Steam?! How quaint. Ian is taking photos of anything and everything, and anyone, and pestering the buffet car attendant for some more cider too. He’s got that inane grin on his face already. It’s going to be a long evening.

Me putting a brave face on steam travel, with a silly duck and some chap who is too lazy to open his eyes.

Jon Newman will be captaining today. Salad we call him. Oooohh, maybe I should have asked if they had a tuna Nicoise at the hotel earlier? He’s okay is Jon; seems to interchange between having a single or double-barrelled surname depending on who he’s with but I heard him talking about getting everyone involved today so I like that. Inclusion; what the world needs a bit more of. In fact, everyone seems to be having a bit of fun on some old medieval wooden contraption. Looks like a torture device of sorts to me but is doubling up nicely as a tool to help with your slip catching. Geoff and Ian would have, sorry, probably ‘would of’, made us trek to a pub for a cheap pint of some local warm brew that’s supposed to hark back to yesteryear. I’ll join in with this catching practice though, we rarely do this so why not?

Me (right) stood next to the double-barrel chap participating in some silly game.

We’ll be bowling first. Very sensible to have James Pearson starting up. A clever bowling sort him, a lot of guile and subtlety (4-1-15-2). It’s going to be Ian from the other end. I do despair. All bluff and bluster; he’ll think it threatening but no one else will – and so it proves (4-0-19-0). We’ve had a half decent start here actually. A bit different to a few years back when Geoff and Ian were loud mouthing on the boundary edge having rightly not been selected. Mark Rundle is now taking up the mantle from one end and I’m being asked to do the duties from the other. He’s canny is Mark, very difficult to get away. He doesn’t get as many wickets as he should though for my liking. I may go for a few each week but I pick up wickets regularly – that’s the modern way. Mark (4-0-31-2) seems to have finally gotten the idea as it happens. I’ve gone for 10 an over off my four. That’s not too bad at all this day and age. Some good stroke making from Chilcott (37*) and Brick in there (21).

Ian bowling in his own dialect “shit down leg.”

111 with four overs to go. If we can restrict them and take a few wickets here we might be able to chase this down. Oh, this is carnage now. Ian is trying to claim I've just dropped a catch. Never, I barely got a fingernail to it – and it’s gone for six. I must book in a manicure. Oops, ha ha. Now that is funny. Ian has definitely just dropped one. What a buffoon. Now he’s off to find the ball in the adjacent field. Oh, me oh my! He’s just straddled and electric fence. A zing to the testes. Excellent. I see why we got a steam train now. I’d tell him that's called karma, but he’d make some joke like ‘No, a lamb bhuna for me please’. I feel for Hoskins (1-0-15-0) there, should have had at least one. If Russell and Michael can give us a tidy finish though we’ll be okay.

Rexworthy (20) and Lane (34*) are really enjoying this now. Russell (2-0-31-1) isn’t exactly a death bowler but at least he’s picked up a wicket. I don’t want to talk about who caught it. Reeves (1-0-14-0) has bowled a tidy one there although Howe (14*) has got a couple away. We’ll be chasing 164 to win. Very doable. Hang on, there’s a suggestion that the scorebook isn’t quite right, again. This happened here last year too – although it can’t have been Russell Turner’s fault this year, I don’t think. I've said they just need some fibre optic broadband down here; we can download a scoring app, and Bob’s your uncle. No, Ian, not Tall Bob.

Reeves bowling, flanked by people of the same family.

We’ll need 179 to win as it turns out. Some innumerate fool hadn’t tallied the extras onto the total by the look of it. Jon has sent out two of our bigger hitters more adept at this shorter version of the game. They should get us off to a flye... Oh dear. Oh, dear oh dear. You have to be able to face the ball to hit the ball, David Shorten (0). That was some horrible calling. I really don’t know how people manage such ‘feats’?! Here comes our esteemed chairman. There goes our esteemed chairman. Too much ale on the train for Matthew Bullock (0) methinks. A young Savage is bowling now, in more ways than one. Tearing it up in the catching contraption was this fellow. He’s removed Michael Reeves (12) with what looked like a decent cherry. That’s me in then...

Me – the debonair batsman elect.

No point in wasting balls in these T20's (Timms 0). Jake Hotson (0) is in n... No, James Hoskins (0) is... Well, that’s taken a turn for the worse there as we get our ducks in a row; J Savage finishing with 3-3-0-4. He’ll take that I’d have thought. Mark Rundle (18) had been doing okay out there but he’s perished too now. Biffed a couple. Missed a couple. Got bowled. T20 at it’s very best. Jesus wept, Geoff and Ian are now out in the middle. They probably think we can try and bat out for a draw, certainly seems that what Geoff is trying to do. Come on old timer; hit it! Oh. He has. A couple of nice smites. Ian is doing okay as well. Pains me to say.

James Pearson has joined Ian now. Geoff (9) missed one from Brick (3-0-22-3), leaving us firmly in the shit house. We need about 70 off the last 5 overs. I’d rather just get back to the hotel for an artisan G&T and early night now, but of course Ian (24), being self-centred as he is, has other ideas. Why not prolong the agony? Tool. Ah, there he goes; c. Savage b. Brick. If Ian’s surname rhymed with Brick that scorecard would contain some poetic nominative determinism. A couple of healthy blows from James (19*) and Newman (4) take us to 104 and that will be that.

What the?!... I don't understand… Russell Turner is coming out to bat at number 12. I’ve never heard of anything so preposterous. This flagrant flaunting of the rules will the death of this beloved game. I’ll need two G&T’s I think. Russell has added 5 runs before being stumped by a mile, so we made 114 in the end. Utterly pointless, in many many ways. Still, at least we can hop in an air-conditioned Uber and hot foot it back to Minehead...

Symbolism of 2005 and yesteryear.

Oh no, it seems we are indeed off to yesteryear. That pub I mentioned earlier. Ian is already three sheets to the wind. I’ll talk with Chris Roberts then, or Tall Bob as we call him. He’s not been playing so would appreciate some good conversation I imagine. Goodness me, he’s beyond squiffy. This is going to be very painful. I think I'll just pretend to be asleep on a bench outside.

As always, to Stogumber CC; a pleasure to be handily beaten by you. A special tip o’ the hat to Mr Savage for giving a few people a lift back. Next time maybe?...

Stogumber CC putting low-rent McDonald’s to shame.

First Test update: Day One, Edgbaston – Australia 284, England 10-0. England trail by 274 runs.

‘T. I. Cheek’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Stogumber CC Played at Stogumber, 1 August 2019 Stogumber CC won the toss and elected to bat Stogumber CC won by 64 runs Far from the MCC debuts: n/a

24 / 498 20 over match

Team	Stogumber CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	M. Howard	b Pearson	5		1	-	1-7
2	Z. Rexworthy †	c Reeves b Rundle	19		2	-	3-36
3	S, Howe	c Shorten b Pearson	6		1	-	2-22
4	C. Chilcott	retired	37		4	2	-
5	E. Brick	c Newman-Robson b Rundle	21		1	1	4-90
6	B. Rexworthy	c Howarth b Turner	20		2	1	5-139
7	N. Lane *	retired	34		1	3	-
8	B. Howe	not out	16		1	1	-
9	J. Savage	not out	6		-	-	-
10	S. Yaw
11	D. Cornish
12	S. Thompson
	Extras	NB9, W4, B1	14
	TOTAL	(for 5 wickets, 20 overs)	178

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Pearson	4	1	15	2	3.75
2	Howarth	4	0	19	0	4.75
3	Rundle	4	0	31	2	7.75
4	Timms	4	0	40	0	10.00
5	Hoskins	1	0	15	0	15.00
6	Turner	2	0	31	1	15.50
7	Reeves	1	0	14	0	14.00

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	M. K. Reeves	b Savage	12	(24)	1	-	3-31
2	D. Shorten	run out (Chilcott)	0	(0)	-	-	1-0
3	M. Bullock	b Yaw	0	(3)	-	-	2-3
4	M. S. Rundle	b B. Howe	18	(21)	4	-	7-44
5	G. J. Timms	c Z. Rexworthy b Savage	0	(5)	-	-	4-39
6	J. C. W. Hotson	b Savage	0	(3)	-	-	5-39
7	J. D. Hoskins	b Savage	0	(1)	-	-	6-39
8	I. Howarth	c Savage b Brick	24	(18)	3	1	9-98
9	G. Carter	b Brick	9	(15)	2	-	8-65
10	J. W. Pearson	not out	19	(13)	2	1	-
11	J. Newman-Robson *†	c Howard b Brick	4	(3)	1	-	10-102
12	R. P. Turner	st Z. Rexworthy b B. Rexworthy	5	(4)	1	-	11-114
	Extras	W8, LB1, B14	23
	TOTAL	(all out, 18.2 overs)	114

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Yaw	3	1	9	1	3.00
2	Thompson	3	0	17	0	5.67
3	Savage	3	3	0	4	0.00
4	S. Howe	1	0	5	0	5.00
5	B. Howe	2	0	17	1	8.50
6	Brick	3	0	22	3	7.33
7	B. Rexworthy	2.2	0	20	1	8.57
8	Chilcott	1	0	9	0	9.00

MOTM: J. W. Pearson Champagne Moment: J. Newman-Robson’s regulation catch as keeper Buffet Award: R. P. Turner’s deluxe sausage and onion baps (extra sauce) MAD Moment: I. Howarth walking into an electric fence to retrieve a ball

Opposition: V031 / 05 Ground: G022 / 05 Captain: C029 / 02 Match No: 20 / 137