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“2025 AGM Report”

With temperatures now receding after a hot and barmy summer into autumn, The MAD assembled once more atop the St Aldates in the Blue Room for the annual AGM piss-up. It would have a distinctly spooky flavour due to the date (1st of November) with a smattering of scary decor in and outside the venue. We would have a photo of said ghosts and ghouls, but nobody took one… so here is a pic of some guy lying on the floor instead….

A man on the floor….

Without further ado, herewith the messy scribbles from the evening for season 2025 … or at least the ones that were vaguely readable that were found on a crumpled, cider-stained piece of paper in a stuffed laptop bag….

‘Party Isipant’

Part I - Notes on attendance

Apologies for absence:

Lee Ainsworth (wouldn’t lower himself)

Blake Ainsworth (answerable to his dad)

Joe Cartwright (preferred Welch choral singing)

Giant Duck (trapped in a Honda Jazz again)

Everyone present minus cameraman Hotson.

Present:

Matt Bullock (Chairdude, Statto & CAMRA drinking expert)

Geoff Carter (Someone to blame)

Andrew Darley (First aider & Medical expert)

Richard Hadfield (Fugitive & Infamous killer)

John Harris (Still 7-5 after all these years)

James Hoskins (Fantasy Man)

Jake Hotson (Tour Director & Out of shot cameraman)

Ian Howarth (Fixtures Secretary & pissed minutes)

Matt Mead (AGM Debut)

Joe Nickel (AGM Debut)

John Pyrah (Minus Pyrah Jnr)

Mike Reeves (Treasurer, Traveller & Club gopher)

Chris Roberts (Darts expert & Builder extraordinaire)

Mark Rundle (Still alive)

David Shorten (T20 Skipper & Builder extraordinaire)

Gary Timms (Sporting Director)

Russell Turner (Regular Skipper & Clubman of all-time)

Jan Webster (Published author & Didn’t do fuck all this season)

Chris Williams (Guitar & Accompaniment)

Part II - Chairdude’s Welcome

Matt was quick to commence the evening by saying what he always says and that is “Welcome.” He also made a point of saying that this was officially The MAD’s 26th AGM, as there wasn’t one in the club’s inaugural season of 1998, and (obviously) neither was there one during the pandemic in 2020 (Geoff’s fault for not sorting out a vaccine, innit).

Our Chairdude mentioned many things which weren’t recorded (naturally), but he certainly did ask for the group to raise a glass in tribute to the late and great Tony Mander (Club Patron who sadly passed away last year). A most engaging, intelligent and fine individual, Tony will be very sadly missed by all.

Matt ended by thanking all participants for helping to keep The MAD bandwagon rolling … the shadowy Committee, JMO for his fantasy world, Spam for his webwork, Russ and Lego for their skippering … and above all else, everyone who contributed to the season both on and off the field.

Part III – T20 Captain(s) Report

First up, David Shorten (T20) entertained the throng as we went through the T20 highs and lows of the season where The MAD managed a win ratio of 50% in this format. He was very pleased with the positivity throughout and is happy to stand again. There was lots of other bits and bobs, but as usual, minutes were scarce.

David appeals for some money to buy a new jumper….

Second up, and by no means least, Captain Turner downscaled his script to just over 4 hours this year, and if you want the full transcript, you can contact him directly or (shock horror) make sure you attend the event itself in future. Excerpts from his notes are as follows….

Mr Turner delivering a speech that captivates Jan….

Opening up….

Welcome to The MAD AGM 2025 … it’s a day after Halloween so it’s quite fitting my review of the season does include some horror moments of its own. First off thank you for all being part of MAD 2025 and I hope you had another enjoyable season.

Thanks to….

· JMO / Gary for the Fantasy Cricket & dealing with: Lego thinking 150 points were for 6 Players (not 9) and Lucan entering a Team worth 159.6 Points….

· Gary for securing another £500 sponsorship for the club

· Andy Darley for providing the painful H&S & Safeguarding Policy

· T20 Skippers Lego & Spam (in David’s absence)

· Mike for keeping the bean counting updated and again providing meals on wheels with Kate from 100 miles away

· Spam for again doing an excellent job as Fixture Secretary, although having agreed to cut the number of games (not including Tour) from 25 in 2024 … we ended up with 32 games in 2025!

· And of course, Statto Matt our Chairdude for again reminding us of how fabulous or shit we have performed and doing a wonderful job of keeping the stats updated, a few of which are outlined below:

- We lost most wickets on 3rd ball of the over & least on 6th

- Mike & Lego – both bizarrely took 10-437 off exactly 76 overs in 2025

- We benefitted from 360 wides this season

As Dave (Lego) has already mentioned we have decided to ditch Gosford nets for Radley College next season. This year especially Gosford was like “Carry on Cricket” and having to use a green cone and yellow tub for wickets until Gary managed to acquire a set of stumps. Having said that, I did notice we hit the green cone more than the stumps. It wasn’t all bad, it was a nice touch that Gosford provided clothes stands in the form of Badminton nets, in fact, they were so authentic that Lucan hung his hoodie on them and then nearly left it behind….

Here we find Corne bowling at a balanced green cone….

So, what happened in 2025?

Before the season started JMO confirmed his birthday is 4th April after greetings on The MAD WhatsApp indicated that he was incorrect.

Gary went from Petanque & Darts supremo to winning the “Guess how many eggs Bob has in his Omelette?” (answer being 5) and “Where Spam was visiting up North…?” (Morley)

John Harris became unimportant as I got him confused with Joe Cartright v Britwell, and Lego forgot about him entirely for the Blewbury T20 a week later. Spam forgot to reply to any of the availability emails for the first 3 games – his excuse being he was pissed (what for 3 weeks!?) He did eventually respond, unlike Jan… who failed to reply at all, instead, he just sent photos of beers as he galivanted around the world…. According to Gary the quickest response for any availability was his one about my 60th bash at the Dogs.

John (left) muses on being forgotten to be being picked for a few games….

2025 would turn out to be the season of the LBW. We had a total of 13 triggered in the season (compared to just 7 in 2024). There were actually 8 LBWs in the first 5 games with JP giving 4 in the match v Wantage. This I thought must be a record so I checked with Matt and sure enough in Mr Bullock’s own words: “I can categorically say has this never occurred before.” They were all a bit controversial, especially the one that left John Harris with a sore groin! Ironically, C. Denny who claimed 3 of our LBWs, was himself out LBW when it came for his turn to bat (Gary getting his revenge).

So, here’s a food for thought, with the introduction of the DLRUSS Card was MADOVISON created? A cricketing version of Eurovision where political umpiring earned more fantasy points? 74 being the highest fantasy points achieved = Me 37 v Wantage!

Finally picture this:

It’s the 1st game of the season; It’s your first game for your new club, you want to do your bit, so you offer to Umpire first up so all good, but then the first ball of the match crashes into the batters’ pads and it’s a really good shout for LBW – so do you?

· Raise your finger, it’s plumb so you have no choice?

· Indicate the usual sign of going down leg?

· Stand tall, look straight ahead totally ignoring the shouts of Howzat?

Well Done Joe Nickel, you stood firm & Hadfield survived!

Hadfield seen batting whilst not being triggered.

At the time it was banded around that out 1st ball of the match or season is referred to as a Mother Goose, but when I researched it & checked with our Matt and it’s a load of bollocks. It’s either a Platinum or a Royal Duck.

When Enstone batted, Joe did return impressive figures of 7-2-17 and took the Champagne moment vote.

Questions – Where does the term “duck” actually come from?

From the mid-19th century because the shape of a duck egg is very similar to the number zero. There are 9 types of duck and we all know the obvious ones, but… what are the unfamiliar ones that are never mentioned? Silver Duck, Bronze Duck, Laughing Duck (0 runs which is the last wicket & ends the Innings) & Toilet Duck are?

I had the pleasure of a 2nd ball Silver Duck for the first game of the season v Enstone, it was also my 100th game as skipper… so weirdly the Silver Tankard I was presented seemed quite apt!

Every season there’s always a few comical incidents involving Corne and 2025 was no exception – I call these “Corneisms”:

· HQCC – What field do you want? “I don’t know you’re the skipper!” – You’re the bowler! He then bowled a great spell 5-0-1-15.

· The Ipsden game gets cancelled pre-Tour, so I send out an email on the Monday to let everyone know… to then receive an email on Thursday from Corne “I’m not able to make it now!”

The legendary illogical Mr Vermaak.

· And finally the Blewbury T20 where Corne brings along his SA mate (overseas player) Chris Hearne (#171) – a decent debut stumped for 19 which included a Champagne 6 over deep square. Next day Corne asked if Chris could be added to the availability list, sure no problem but we would need his email resulting in the following conversation with Corne:

RT – “Yes we can add him, but we need his email address.”

Corne – “Oh, ok.”

Gary – “I’ve added him to the planner but not sure of his surname… Heard, Hearman, Herman or something like that?”

Corne – “Do you have an email for him?”

RT – “No, we need one which is why I’m asking?”

Spam – “So, do you have his email address?”

Corne – “Yes, surname is Hearne – chrishearne@gmail.com!”

A further 3 players became MAD & all avoided duck on debut:

· Matt Mead (#168) v Appleton

· Toby Pyrah (#169) v ISIS and went from Fine Leg to Fine Leg for 20 overs estimated to be around 2 miles….

· Morgan Darley (#170) v Lemmings

We also welcomed back Paul Turner (MAD player #161) v Astons – a total of 1,174 days since his last game on 01/06/22.

Young Toby here given a bat and giving it a bash at Appleton.

So, how did we do (excluding Tour)?

· P24 W6 L18 NR4 – A win ratio of 25.93%

Seasonal Firsts

· 1st Wicket of season Enstone, Bowled – Mike.

· 1st 50 – Lee for the 2nd season running and the identical score of (58 this time v Enstone, he then followed it up by sawing off Geoff for the 1st Duck of the season).

· 1st Catch was a skier to Corne at mid-on in the same match.

· 1st 6 of the season – Spam v Wantage.

Injuries

· Nuno – Heading the ball.

· Russ – Tried to eat the ball.

· Bob, John H & Psycho – Fingers.

· Lucan – Calf.

· Lucan – Blisters.

· Joe N – Finger.

· Joe N – Bollocks.

· Joe N – Achilles.

· Joe N – Calf.

· Joe N – COVID.

· Joe N – Migraine.

Most MAD Appearances (out of 30 matches)

· Me 30/30, Gary 25, Spam 24.

So how did we do? (Excluding Tour and the 16-over Pizza Day)

· Sundays – P17 W6 L12 NR 0 – a win ratio of 35.29%

· T20 – P8 W4 L4 – a win ratio 50%

RUNS – 3619 Total (compared to 3523 in 2024)

· Spam most aggregate runs – 554 (at an average of 34.63).

· JP – 359 (at an average of 39.89).

· Spam – Highest Score 86* v Enstone (same opposition as in 2024).

· Gonzo/Leggate Highest SR – 117.39 from the 1 game v HQCC (Spam seasonal effort – 114.46).

· Paddy mentioned at the Golf – his average of 0 = 0, 0, 0*

WICKETS – MAD took 134 in Total (compared to 133 in 2024).

· Psycho – 18.

· Gary – 15.

· Best Figures v Appleton same game – Psycho 3-5 & Corne 3-6.

CATCHES – Total of 55 (which was 14 less than 2024).

· Most in the season would be Lego – 8, so Mr Bucket Hands is back after a season off!

Gonzo … returning the club’s highest SR for the season (albeit from one game).

Notable Milestones:

Darley – 100th MAD Wicket v Rain Men.

Gary – 300th Wicket – Caught by Paddy v Appleton.

Gary – 1st 50 for The MAD = 54* v Harwell.

John Harris & Geoff – 1000 MAD Runs.

Nuno – 4000 Runs (145 Innings).

Mike – 4000 Runs – His seasons total was only 82 which included 2 x 30* on Tour!

Geoff – 1st Wicket for 11 years – Caught by Darley v Rain Men.

Darley – Judas effort of 53* retired for Timberscombe, which was 1 less than Dan Edwards’ record set way back in 2010.

Spam – Completed 100th MAD catch and 100th MAD Six in the same game v Astons.

Umpire Hotson admires the artistry of Mr Timms (now boasts 300 MAD wickets).

Part IV - Treasurer’s Report

Russ stares off in the distance as Mike pours cold finances on any upbeat atmosphere.

Some blurb….

After relocating to Nottingham to ensure it is almost impossible to track any of The MAD finances anymore, Beancounter Mike used some ramshackle notes to give a short sermon to cover his tracks. In summary:

The club purportedly started with £1988.45.

We collected £5375 over the course of the year.

We purportedly spent £5100.

So, if you believe any of these numbers, then the club saw a profit of around £250.

The upshot of the above is that next year the FFTMCC will purportedly start with around £2250.

Three reasons that the club ultimately (and purportedly) made a profit were:

• Weather

• Some JMO Bet or other (although no details provided on this one whatsoever).

• Out team sponsor “Sonedd” – serving diverse industries with expert solutions. Thanks to Gary for maintaining this excellent and generous sponsor.

So, plotting a course into 2026 then next year MAD subs will stay at £40, with Sunday games £10 and T20’s £5.

Mike finished by saying he will email out a chaser in the not-too distant future to harangue those in debt and send our insolvent members into the dark and bleakness of winter with untold levels of anxiety.

Part V - Fixtures and Tour for 2026

After wordsearches and quizzes seen at previous AGM’s, Fixture Secretary Spam this time did a bullshit PowerPoint presentation where some of the usual lies was actually fiction. In this small exposé, Ian went through who The MAD would probably not be playing and which teams might invariably fill in the blanks.

Jake would subsequently expand on this babble with some news of the Tour itinerary to Bournemouth (the weekend before Tour now set to be a blank).

Spam talking shit and a photo from Ian’s last visit to Bournemouth.

Part VI - Committee Member Elections

Once upon a time, the election of MAD officers was a popular and a hugely exciting part of the evening, but now under a strict dictatorship, nobody really stands against anyone in a position of power unless they can afford an attorney and/or they are pissed. Thankfully, Mr Timms had drank a good few this evening, so he briefly enlivened this segment….

Elected Committee Posts

Chairman

Matt Bullock

- elected and continues in the role (beats Gary = 0 votes).

Fixtures Secretary

Ian Howarth

- continues in his role and is duly elected, unopposed.

Treasurer

Mike Reeves

- continues in his role and is duly elected, unopposed.

Captain

Russ Turner

- continues in his role and is duly elected, unopposed.

T20 Captain

David Shorten

- continues in his role and is duly elected (Gary and Spam to support as required).

Vice Captain(s)

Russ, Ian, Gary, Lee, Jake and “somebody else” will step in if the team are short….

- continual.

Sporting Director

Gary Timms

- continues in his role and is duly elected, unopposed.

Tour Director

Jake Hotson

- continues in his role, both ratified and duly elected, unopposed.

*

Non-Committee Posts

Fines Chairman(s)

Captain’s Choice

- the role will be assigned by the Skipper if he feels there is a need for fines to be levied.

Part VII - General Administration for Season 2026

Brasenose College will continue as our home cricket ground when available, but with Gosford Community Centre sacked off and Radley College the now the preferred destination for indoor nets. Mr Shorten will keep the team in the loop over the winter months (dates and times tbc), with netting seen as a good driver for impromptu meet ups and the whole workout generally leaving everyone feeling a little bit better about themselves.

Part VIII - FFTMCC Awards

Following a brief delay for idle banter, trips to and from the toilet and the bar downstairs… votes were tallied and summed, and the dubious winners of the various MAD trophies and awards were announced as follows…

Mr Howarth smugly receives his POTS 2025 award.…

Roll of MAD Honours

Player of the Season

Ian Howarth

Most Improved Player

Andrew Darley

Clubman of the Year

Russ Turner

MAD Fantasy Cricket

Ian Howarth

Manager ‘Gilda Martin’ … Team ‘Liam Payne’s Clifftop Diving All Stars’

Champagne Moment

Ian Howarth

Extraordinary, tumbling boundary catch to dismiss Alex Gilkes (v Appleton CC #648)

MAD Booker Prize

Gary Timms

“Good Things….” (v OCCSCC #657)

MAD Moment

Ian Howarth

Inexplicably run out on the adjoining kid’s wicket after witnessing Nick Hebbes do the same (v Cholsey CC #669)

‘Adrian Fisher’ Performance Trophy

Ian Howarth

Unbeaten 86* to steer the team home (v Enstone CC #629)

Darley was very improved on being less than not great.

Part IX – Fantasy Stuff

Mr Hoskins, a most treasured member of the club, next took to the stage to announce ‘The MAD Fantasy’ winner. Calculated using an advanced algorithm and utilising several pivot tables, a sundial and a random multiplier generator, JMO went into some diatribe about Mr Rundle’s team having a clutch of players who could tip it his way going into the final match of the season (away at Cholsey). This didn’t happen as it turned out, so Spam won it … although the sum of money received was a fraction of what was assumed due to ‘Liam Payne’ not being organised as a ‘Test Team’ entrant. This money is carried forth into season 2026. Or something like that.

Spam wins Fantasy because Mr Rundle didn’t win it.

Part X - Any Other Business

With the evening and venue being declared a triumphant sporting success, particularly for Spam (groan), it was concluded that there was no further business with which to discuss until there might be….

Here’s to a tremendous MAD season in 2026 and whatever joys and extensive moaning it brings.