“BDBW”

Match: 25 / 642

Won by 50 runs

Team	Total
FFTMCC	147 - 8
D. Shorten 42, R. Turner 37
Wantage & Grove CC	97 - 8
M. Rundle 3 - 21, J. Pearson 2 - 3

One of the most depressing and chastising experiences in the game of cricket, is that of the opening batter (or top order bat), who is dismissed early in the very first innings. Essentially, your day is most likely done and after glumly dragging your bat off the field, throwing your kit into the adjoining car park or bushes, and perhaps making defamatory comments of a religious connotation, you get to hear the usual empty commiserations from your cynical world weary teammates, before sitting blankly in a chair and gazing out to the middle wondering what might have been. Such was the case for both Pearson and Hadfield on a lovely day for batting at Wantage & Grove CC this early May, both of whom received excellent deliveries in the first few overs. James’s was the better one, but we’re splitting hairs here, with both hearing the miserable death rattle to deliveries that would have done for the many.

Players assemble and talk bollocks whilst drinking beer/cider.

Thereafter these dismal MAD beginnings, Messrs Shorten (42) and Turner (37) batted serenely throughout the afternoon without a drop of sweat and barely a care in the world, and as previously stated, on a fine pitch to bat despite the unseasonal drought which had left most of Oxfordshire’s crops dead and taps running dry.

Shorten gives it the long handle long after Pearson was out.

We now take a quick history lesson whilst pilfering the exacting details of Antony Mann’s MAD biopic ‘Misremembered Days’ written close to two decades ago. In this celebrated tomb, he stipulates there would be no MAD or Jude (our previous incarnation) if it were not for the exuberance and efforts of founding father Edmund Lester, who sadly emigrated to New Zealand before the curtain went down on season 2004.

A hopeless optimist, Ed also coined the phrase ‘Never at This Level’ which was stolen and applied to the club’s tenth anniversary book. These four words described his thoughts on the application of the lbw law in Sunday cricket. The thinking of the ‘not at this level’ philosophy is straightforward: the umpiring of Sunday cricket is so uniformly bad, with many players not even knowing the laws of the game, that no lbw decisions should be given at all, as they are bound to be based on misconceptions, bias or cheating. There is of course a fourth reason for awarding a batter lbw which was previously omitted from the book. This concerns the individual whose day has already been a piece of shit and who really can’t contemplate wasting the rest of their fucking day, so attempts to speed matters up by awarding batters from his own team ‘bdbw’ (a phrase coined by Ian Howarth whilst considering this particular Sunday from the sunny rooftop of an apartment in the Algarve).

A far better read than its successor. Certainly, at this level.

With The MAD innings rumbling on throughout the afternoon without any significant change of direction and Mr Pearson’s mood sliding further southwards, he rose from his tired foldaway, strode out to the middle with chin held high, grabbed the ball counter and began to apply his officiating.

The first dagger to stomach was that of Captain Turner, whose watchful and diligent 87-ball vigil was terminated by the umpire’s finger as a result of ‘bad day before wicket’. This to a ball allegedly clipping the leg stump of an imaginary set of stumps a foot outside leg. Timms was the next to go to one that would likely have brushed his right testicle if he’d been stood on stepladders, and the third, perhaps more spectacular, saw last week’s MOTM Mr Harris, getting to see the finger aloft to a ball that slipped past his left nipple. The luckless John Pyrah was also given out, but his dismissal was a straight ‘lbw’ apparently, to one that probably might have glanced the wooden stump thing (and even if it might not have, he was sent packing anyway).

James (umpiring) had a very bad day in the office.

Amidst this consternation and unbridled opposition joy, The MAD finalised on 147-8 with some late slogging from Howarth (27*) and a swipe or two from his Tour roommate Rundle, which helped to add some garnish to an otherwise soured dish.

Tea was a mostly convivial affair, with banter between the teams excellent, but notable for skipper Turner, Timms and Harris sat on the sidelines staring into the abyss. For his part, James simply tucked into the decent spread on offer with that famously smug grin of his and kept his own counsel.

Turner enjoying batting before being sawn off.

In reply, a very modest W&G struggled to gain any real momentum to their innings. Their application was defiant, but they were ultimately strangled by some unusually tight MAD cherry throwing and a paucity of shit down leg. Bob and Spam returned econ, whilst the crumpet lobbing patisseries of Timms and Harris were mostly baked to aplomb as they took a wicket apiece. The vagaries of the afterlife (Rundle) was perhaps the pick of the bowling in bagging a spooky 3-21.

With the day playing out to its inevitable conclusion and MAD 50-run success, poor Hadfield simply stood in the shadows nursing the square leg boundary for the remainder of his wretched day.

Hadfield does something some umpiring but refuses to be bitter or angry.

The bar and community were both engaging post-match and it is perhaps a shame these whimsical rivals don’t play more fixtures than the lonely one game per season. One for the thankless fixture secretaries to agree upon, certainly now Howarth lives just down the road from this ground, although he’s more of a seasoned pisshead now than a cricketing regular, drinking that red cider that lies hidden behind the pavilion.

Team MAD. Really happy people….

We wish Wantage & Grove all the very best for their season. We also sincerely hope Mr Pearson’s mood improves before his next donning of the white coat.

’Alan Garve’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far From the MCC versus Wantage & Grove CC Played at Wantage, 11 May 2025 Far From the MCC won the toss and elected to bat Far From the MCC won by 50 runs Far from the MCC debuts: n/a

25 / 642 35 over match

Team	Far From the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	J. W. Pearson	b Morgan	0	(2)	-	-	1-0
2	D. Shorten	b Denny	42	(64)	4	-	2-11
3	R. J. T. Hadfield	b Morgan	2	(6)	-	-	3-87
4	R. P. Turner *	lbw b Denny	37	(87)	4	-	4-91
5	C. D. Roberts	c Hooper b Denny	0	(4)	-	-	5-92
6	J. S. Pyrah	lbw b Ratcliffe	0	(5)	-	-	6-99
7	G. J. Timms	lbw b Denny	0	(4)	-	-	7-113
8	I. Howarth	not out	27	(22)	3	1	8-132
9	J. Harris	lbw b Denny	4	(6)	1	-
10	M. S. Rundle	not out	5	(12)	1	-
11	J. C. W. Hotson †
	Extras	NB2, W25, LB1, B2	30
	TOTAL	(for 8 wickets, 35 overs)	147

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Morgan	6	2	14	2	2.33
2	Seckham	5	0	26	0	5.20
3	Hooper	5	1	19	0	3.80
4	Sundararaman	5	0	22	0	4.40
5	Ratcliffe	5	0	19	1	3.80
6	Denny	7	0	22	5	3.14
7	Riley	2	0	22	0	11.00

Team	Wantage & Grove CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	R. Baker	lbw b Rundle	2
2	A. Wong †	c Timms	39
3	J. Walker	b Harris	7
4	A. Riley	c Hotson b Pearson	22
5	A. Fisher	c Harris b Rundle	1
6	C. Denny	lbw b Timms	3
7	V. Sundararaman	run out (Harris/Timms)	1
8	P. Ratcliffe	not out	2
9	J. Seckham	c & b Pearson	0
10	H. Hooper		1
11	K. Morgan *
	Extras	NB1, W11, LB1, B6	19
	TOTAL	(for 8 wickets, 35 overs)	97

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts	Econ
1	Howarth	5	3	7	0	1.40
2	Roberts	5	1	6	0	1.20
3	Timms	6	1	18	1	3.00
4	Harris	7	0	20	1	2.86
5	Rundle	7	1	21	3	3.00
6	Pyrah	3	0	15	0	5.00
7	Pearson	2	0	3	2	1.50

MOTM: I. Howarth Champagne Moment: I. Howarth’s de rigueur maximum over the clubhouse pavilion Buffet Award: J. S. Pyrah’s notable cheese and garlic sides to his burnt Hawaiian pizza MAD Moment: G. J. Timms’ calamitous drop after shouting at Russ to leave it for him (in essence bullying and then dropping a clanger to universal amusement)

Opposition: V098 / 004 Ground: G089 / 004 Captain: C024 / 102 Match No: 35 / 243