“Art of Sunday Batting Dead”
Match: 26
/ 672
Won by 7 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
102 |
|
D. Shorten
23, R. Turner 15 |
|
|
|
|
|
Cholsey CC |
95 |
|
J. Harris
4 - 19,
G. Timms
3 - 13 |
|
|
Following
on from the blood splattery and batting debacle
witnessed in Enstone a fortnight ago, The MAD’s revised trip to Cholsey this
weekend ushered in a new low for compiling an innings of substance and/or
batting stewardship in general. Hecklers and fantasy spectators alike have
frequently cited the noble art of wafting the willow is dying, and bearing
witness to this incompetent, dysfunctional, bat-wielding trainwreck, it is
hard to argue. Particularly, if you were to overhear the dismissive contempt
of non-playing, ringside nigglers Emerson, Howarth, Hotson and Hebbes (all of
whom would’ve converted starts into sublime 50s you must understand).
Cricket afront the nuthouse. The
truth is the pitch at Cholsey Meadows was no cricketing paradise this Sunday
gone, but neither did it contain anything like the demons that the finalised
totals would suggest. There was reasonable bounce at both ends, a modicum of
lateral movement, but nothing else to defend the mental lapses, shit shot
selection and technical malfunctions that would pepper the day. Continuing
his fine tossmanship to the season, Skipper Turner
had little hesitation in posting an imposing target. The fly in the linseed
oil being the technical skills involved in actually making good on this.
Harris was the first to go after opting to use his pads instead of the bat,
before Mr Mead went for a duck after heading one on to his stumps.
Thankfully, there was no lasting damage to his cranium, but the dent to his
ego might persist. Webster (6) claimed he got a good one (read something
straight), Hadfield perhaps did something, but nobody really remembers,
whilst Roberts got off the mark before swiping and missing at some
low-buzzing insect. 30-5 and all very crap.
Mr Mead is given a lecture by Lucan using his bat
and not his head. Mercifully,
with theatre attendees heading to the exits in droves, the two MAD skippers
came together to try and reassemble the debris. Shorten (23) would unfurl
some pleasing looking drives, with Russ (15) punching a few square as they
more than doubled the dismal total. With everything starting to feel a whole
bunch healthier, it was time for Part Deux of ‘A Guide to Imperfection and
Generally Being Shite’ with both skips departing whilst claiming a “ball of
the century”. Following on, Old Joe (2) chipped something lovingly to cover,
and Messrs Timms (4) and Rundle (2) wasted strenuous walks out to the middle
to subsequently wander all the way back again. This depressing end to the
innings left a bewildered Geoff stood lonely and undimmed on 1 not out with
The MAD tumbling over the century mark to complete on 102.
Exquisite cover drive from Joe, straight to a pair
of waiting hands. Teas
are always a celebratory occasion at Cholsey, being plentiful and much
improved on your unexceptional offerings elsewhere and again, they were
gratefully accepted. A shame temperature by the pavilion barely poked above
sub-zero during their demolition. The
Cholsey reply was steady in its infancy, with Shorten (2-32) and Rundle both
bowling a tidy line and length, but with the scoreboard showing 67-2 just shy
of drinks, the depressive narrative was clearly on the wall. At this point
and with a paucity of munitions, Russ would turn to his spin twins (Gary
later informing the home team that if he could’ve dug the pitch up and taken
it home with him, he certainly would). The surface didn’t bite you
understand, but it did offer some assistance to deliveries arriving an hour
after their orbital release, and in harmony with batting akin to the blind,
wickets started to tumble.
Flan at both ends, Timms (top) and Harris bottom. The
real turning point in the innings was the dismissal of opener Burrows (33),
gone to a worldly as Webster swooped and dived forwards at mid-off. Even Jan
looked shocked it stuck in his mitts, Champagne indeed. This ridiculous
clatter of wickets would continue to have Cholsey needing 7 to win with the
last man standing. The caveat being both Timms (3-13) and Harris (4-19)
having bowled out. The MAD therefore needed a hero, someone to see the game
home. Having
earlier booted a ball across the boundary to register his first goal of the
season, grassed an absolute sitter and batted like a complete corpse, Tall
Bob stepped up to the oche with chest puffed out. Could bowling be the
salvation of his day? It most certainly could as it transpired, castling the
experience of Williams (2) to the jubilation of his teammates, and thus
ending the home team’s riposte on 95. Henceforth, the record of defending the
lowest team total in a 35 over game, set just a fortnight ago, was gone. Roll
on the next match of batting twatsmanship.
’Hector Ling’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far From the MCC versus Cholsey CC Played at Cholsey Meadows, 10 May 2026 Far From the MCC the toss and elected
to bat Far From the MCC won by 7 runs Far from the MCC debuts: n/a |
26 / 672 35 over match |
|
Team |
Far From the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
R. J. T.
Hadfield |
c Hill b Hipwell |
2 |
(20) |
- |
- |
1-14 |
|
2 |
J.
Harris |
lbw b Matthews |
10 |
(11) |
2 |
- |
2-15 |
|
3 |
M. W.
Mead |
b Churchill-Coleman |
0 |
(4) |
- |
- |
3-26 |
|
4 |
J. vdG.
Webster |
b Matthews |
6 |
(12) |
1 |
- |
4-30 |
|
5 |
C. D.
Roberts |
b Williams |
1 |
(5) |
- |
- |
5-30 |
|
6 |
D.
Shorten |
b Borrows |
23 |
(33) |
4 |
- |
6-81 |
|
7 |
R. P.
Turner * |
b Borrows |
15 |
(42) |
2 |
- |
7-88 |
|
8 |
J. A.
Cartwright |
c Muldoon b Borrows |
2 |
(8) |
- |
- |
8-89 |
|
9 |
G. J.
Timms |
b Matthews |
4 |
(11) |
1 |
- |
9-95 |
|
10 |
M. S.
Rundle |
b Maddox |
2 |
(5) |
- |
- |
10-102 |
|
11 |
G.
Carter † |
not out |
1 |
(4) |
- |
- |
|
|
|
Extras |
W28, B8 |
36 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 25.5 overs) |
102 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Matthews |
5 |
0 |
16 |
3 |
3.20 |
|
|
2 |
Churchill-Coleman |
4 |
1 |
12 |
1 |
3.00 |
|
|
3 |
Hipwell |
4 |
0 |
19 |
1 |
4.75 |
|
|
4 |
Williams |
4 |
1 |
16 |
1 |
4.00 |
|
|
5 |
Borrows |
4 |
0 |
15 |
3 |
3.75 |
|
|
6 |
Martin |
4 |
1 |
12 |
0 |
3.00 |
|
|
7 |
Maddox |
0.5 |
0 |
3 |
1 |
3.60 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Cholsey CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
R.
Borrows |
c Webster b Harris |
33 |
(59) |
6 |
- |
1-9 |
|
2 |
D. Hill |
b Shorten |
4 |
(5) |
- |
- |
2-37 |
|
3 |
O.
Maddox * |
c Carter b Shorten |
17 |
(28) |
4 |
- |
3-67 |
|
4 |
R.
Muldoon |
b Harris |
6 |
(21) |
1 |
- |
4-70 |
|
5 |
S.
Martin |
b Timms |
1 |
(8) |
- |
- |
5-80 |
|
6 |
D.
Churchill-Coleman |
c & b Timms |
5 |
(7) |
1 |
- |
6-84 |
|
7 |
J.
Nathanialsz |
b Timms |
4 |
(8) |
- |
- |
7-84 |
|
8 |
A.
Matthews |
c Roberts b Harris |
0 |
(2) |
- |
- |
8-84 |
|
9 |
B.
Hipwell |
b Harris |
8 |
(11) |
2 |
- |
9-95 |
|
10 |
R.
Williams |
b Roberts |
2 |
(18) |
- |
- |
10-95 |
|
11 |
D. Evans
† |
not out |
0 |
(5) |
- |
- |
|
|
|
Extras |
NB1, LB1, B13 |
15 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 28.3 overs) |
95 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
Econ |
|
|
1 |
Shorten |
7 |
2 |
32 |
2 |
4.57 |
|
|
2 |
Rundle |
7 |
2 |
21 |
0 |
3.00 |
|
|
3 |
Timms |
7 |
3 |
13 |
3 |
1.86 |
|
|
4 |
Harris |
7 |
1 |
19 |
4 |
2.71 |
|
|
5 |
Roberts |
0.3 |
0 |
0 |
1 |
0.00 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note: Cholsey made substitute fielders for
absence of M. W. Mead (injured batting). |
|
||||||
|
MOTM: J. Harris Champagne Moment: J. vdG. Webster’s amazing
low catch in the covers Buffet Award: D. Shortens’ strawberry souffle (clotted cream dip) MAD
Moment: C. D. Robert’s walking out to
bat without his pads, then heading out again without his helmet…. |
Opposition:
V033 / 025 Ground: G070 / 009 Captain: C024 / 119 Match No: 35 / 257 |