“The MAD Fantasy Inspector”

(Contribution by an Inspecting Official)

2026 Fantasy Inspectorate….

A trained eye for unscrupulous goings on….

Much like the various versions of the Bible that have existed throughout history, the rules for MAD Fantasy Cricket probably started as a rather nice, if quaint set of guidelines, before being revised, revoked, reinstated, tweaked, adapted and completely rewritten on many occasions. So much so, that upon reading the most recent versions of either you could be forgiven to question the very existence of the almighty – or indeed JMO.

It has become this writer’s fortune to have participated in this humorous lucky dip since its inception many years ago, and I’m pleased to declare that through hours of painstaking research, cross referencing statistics, identifying trends and drawing conclusions, I can say I now understand the concept.

As a guide to team selection, you might take a Holmesian approach, by asserting that once you have ruled out the impossible, the only choices left (however improbable), must be correct. Many have suggested that ‘form’ and ‘scores’ are red herrings, and you should just pick the most regular selections to maximise points. My most successful team selection, however, came as an epiphany on a drunken bus ride home where I chose based on which MAD pairings would form the podium in a three-legged race on ice.

So successful has MAD Fantasy become, JMO now has a minion on the payroll.

So, as far as I can tell, the rules are as follows:

· Every current and historic MAD player is assigned a set of values based on a mix of remarkable actual actuarial data and voodoo ritual.

· The values you see in the spreadsheet of players will depend on which version of Excel you are using at time of opening.

· A number (currently 6, but occasionally 9 based on position relevant to the north pole) of MAD players must be chosen from the list of players. It helps to choose some (usually 4) batters and some (traditionally 5) bowlers and some fielders (a couple) and some actual catchers (all 6 or this reduces year on year).

· Once added up, and with a suitable rate of VAT added, your selections mustn’t not total more than 100 points in worth, unless it’s a year of 120, 130 or 150 points.

· I’m told that you can buy extra players for a Test team, but frankly that borders on insanity and is entirely against the spirit of slogging a quick buck, which is what this cricket malarkey seems to be mostly about (these days).

· Extra points are awarded if you make a selection totalling exactly the value stipulated for that week/month/year.

· Early entries are to be celebrated. Late entries are not tolerated unless your team’s name is a corker.

· You will most likely have to select some players who have very little worth or are almost pointless.

· You (probably) can change your team at key points of the season, namely just before the first ball bowled at Enstone; just before the first car sets off for tour; and during the August transfer window, which usually occurs around first innings drinks on every 4th visit to Appleton. To change your team, you just have to think about it for a bit, and JMO will do the rest for you.

· You may a play a T20 Joker, but only on a Sunday T20. You may also play a T20 Joker but only during a match designated as a ‘Test’, which are played midweek over 3 innings.

· Playing a Joker means you get to bat where you like in order to influence the points scored by better team managers than you.

· If one has played one’s Jokers by the time Tour comes around, you qualify for a Tour Joker, a one-off bonus which can (and likely will) give you the opportunity to wave at those better managers than you as they march up the rankings.

· If you do not play your Tour Joker despite having qualified, your team can be replaced by 5 wicket keepers and an ‘All Rounder’ – so called because of their all-round pointlessness.

· Occasionally a curveball rule or two is thrown in to a season, for example the DR Russ review (see Archives), which meant you could score an imagined number of points had Russ not given anyone out LBW.

· The usual routine at the start of the season is to complain in writing about the relative values of players. Be sure to switch to lobbying for rule changes, in order to get one up on those managers better than you.

· And finally, once selected teams must be sent in on lined legal paper (margin optional), with a stamped addressed envelope, so that corrections can be sent back.

Above all, it’s about FUN. Cancel your Lotto direct debit, you’re at least 3.14 x times more likely to win by choosing MAD.

“The MAD Fantasy Inspector”

‘The Fantasy Inspector’